Her Name Was April
by rentheadperson
Summary: The Roger/April story. The T rating IS NOT FOR SAFETY!
1. Chapter 1

Be kind. I'm not very good with RENT fanfics. This is the Roger/April story, and it alternates POV's numerous times.

WARNING! THIS STORY CONTAINS THE FOLLOWING: SEX (seriously cheesy lol), RAPE (not graphic, but it's there), DRUG USE, AND SWEARING.

NOTE: I DO NOT OWN RENT OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS!

* * *

Chapter 1

Roger looked out into the crowd as he played his guitar and sang. There was that cute girl again. She'd been coming to almost every one of the gigs he played with the Well Hungarians lately. _Holy shit, that smile she just gave me...it could melt a heart of stone._ But what he noticed even more than her smile was her gorgeous green eyes, sparkling like two emeralds. He smiled and winked at her and decided to choke back his nervousness and talk to her after the set.

******

April was enjoying the music, really. But she was enjoying watching that hot frontman more. She wanted nothing more than to meet him. He seemed like the kind of guy she could see herself with. He was fun and funny (judging from his stage presence and the jokes he cracked onstage) and, well, he was hot and could PLAY that guitar. She flashed him a flirtatious smile. Hell, what did she have to lose? If he wasn't interested, well, they'd never met before, and they didn't need to. But if he was...

"Thanks, guys. We're gonna take a short break," she heard him say. She watched as he put his guitar down and stepped off the stage. He was coming towards her! Thoughts flashed through her head at a million miles a minute. _Oh God, do I look alright? I'm sure my hair is a mess. What do I say to him? Would telling him the music is awesome be really cliche? Holy shit, I don't even know this guy's name. What kind of person randomly flirts with..._

"Hey, I've noticed you at some of our gigs. I'm Roger."

"Yeah, hi. I'm April."

******

_God, she's incredible._ Roger had only been talking to April for a few minutes and she was definitely making a good first impression. She wasn't star-struck (not that he was much of a star, but a lot of people got all nervous and giddy around him when they met him, so the fact that April wasn't was a welcome change), and she had a great sense of humor (meaning she laughed at all of his corny jokes). Roger glanced at his watch. _Damn, time to get back up on stage. Should I take a chance? Hey, why not? SHE smiled at ME, right?_

"Uh, see you after the show?"

April smiled, again flashing those gorgeous green eyes. "Definitely."

Roger walked away, not even feeling the floor beneath his feet.

******

_OH. MY. GOD. He's even more amazing than I thought. But I acted like a giddy teenager. I'm sure he was just trying to be polite when he asked me if he'd see me after the show. What guy would want to go out with the idiot who was just talking to him? _

April was convinced she'd completely blown it. But she stayed for the rest of the show and waited for Roger afterwards. She couldn't very well just leave. That would definitely blow her already slim chances. She hoped he didn't think she was just trying to get lucky. She really wasn't. April was over the one-night-stand scene. It felt good for a while, but it ended up leaving her feeling empty and alone. She wanted someone she could see herself growing old with, but someone she could enjoy being young with too. She watched him pack up his guitar and amps and set them to the side. He turned around, saw her, winked at her, then went back to packing up the equipment. Perhaps she hadn't completely blown her chances after all.

******

Roger couldn't finish the show fast enough and the last thing he wanted to do was spend another hour packing up. He could be spending this time with April. He hoped she didn't think he was just trying to get lucky. That rock and roll reputation made it so damn difficult to get a real girlfriend. Most girls just assumed all he wanted was to sleep with them. Granted, Roger had had his share of one-night-stands with random chicks from the shows, but he was over it. He wanted more. He wanted someone to be with, a muse, a soulmate. Someone he could write gushy love songs for and she wouldn't think it was corny. Plus, Mark was probably tired of him bringing home random girls. Somehow, he sensed April was the girl he had been looking for. He turned around and saw her. She flashed him another of her heart-melting smiles. He winked at her, then turned around, trying to finish packing up as quickly as possible.

Fifteen minutes later, everything was packed. April was still waiting there for him. Roger grabbed his guitar and asked the guys if they would mind loading the van without him. They just laughed and said yes. He headed to the table where April was still sitting, waiting for him.

"Great show tonight," she said.

"Yeah, thanks," Roger laughed.

"Wow, that was really cliche. Sorry," April chuckled.

"Haha, it's all good. So, can I buy you a drink?" Roger immediately regretted saying that. _God, Roger, you really want her to think you're trying to get into her pants, don't you? Well, you're on the right track._

"Sure, but I'm sure you're probably anxious to get out of here. Let's go somewhere else."

"Yeah, I'm over this place," Roger said sarcastically.

April laughed. "Well, come on then. I know this awesome bar just a couple of blocks from here."

"I just played there last night."

"Oh shit, seriously? Uh..."

Roger laughed. "I'm kidding. And even if I had played there last night, I wouldn't care."

"Oh, great. Now I feel like an idiot," April laughed.

"Come on, let's get out of here." Roger smiled. _She's just getting better by the second. I love it when girls can just laugh when they think they've blown it and don't completely freeze up._

******

A drink turned into, well, more than just A drink. Roger and April sat there for hours talking. April was getting more and more impressed with Roger, but she felt a stronger force than the beginnings of new love coming over her. Something she didn't want him to see just yet. _Damn, I really need to lay off this junk. I can't do ANYTHING without it. How do I excuse myself without making it painfully obvious that I'm going to shoot up? Well, I've gotta pee anyway..._

"Uh, I'll be right back," April said, excusing herself.

"I'll be right here," Roger joked.

April laughed as she headed towards the bathroom.

April sat in the bathroom stall, shaking uncontrollably as she pulled the rubber strap as tight as she could around her arm. She tried to steady herself as she slid the needle in and felt her body returning to normal. _I got away from him just in time. What would he have thought if he saw me shivering like a hairless animal in the dead of winter? Thank God I wore a long-sleeved shirt tonight. At least I can cover up the evidence._

******

Roger knew April didn't want him to know it, but he'd seen enough people when they needed their junk to know that she was going to shoot up. She'd been acting on edge for about fifteen minutes before her abrupt departure from the table and she was taking too long to have just gone to use the restroom. But he decided not to say anything. He was sure she'd trust him with the truth eventually. He would have to somehow show her that he didn't care. Hey, all the guys in the band did it. Matter of fact, he'd been thinking about trying it himself, but he just never did.

He looked and saw her coming out of the bathroom, looking significantly more relaxed. She was clearly dependent on heroin. But it didn't phase him. He was already in love with her.

"Hey, you ready to blow this joint?"

"Yeah, definitely."

Roger searched for his wallet, hoping April didn't think he was going to pull the "I lost my wallet" trick on her. He found it in a pocket of his jacket. He paid for the drinks and left a substantial tip. He offered her his arm, which she accepted as they walked out the door.

"Can I walk you home?" he asked. _Great job, Roger. You really want her to think you're trying to get lucky, don't you?_

"Sure." April smiled.

******

The temperature was low that night, but April didn't feel the cold at all. She couldn't believe how amazing Roger was, how amazing this night had been. As they approached the front door to her building, she didn't want it to end. She wanted to invite him up, but she didn't want to rush things. This was different. She wanted to get to know him, to give this a real chance.

"Well, this is it," she said.

"I had a great time tonight," said Roger.

"Me too."

Roger leaned down a bit, moving in for a kiss, but waiting for her to respond. She went in the rest of the way and their lips met. Hands down, it was the best kiss April had ever experienced. It just felt...right. She didn't want to stop, and he clearly didn't either.

"I've gotta be at work tomorrow. I should probably head in," April said when their lips finally parted. She turned around towards the door, fumbling with her key.

"Wait," Roger said.

April turned back around.

Roger blushed a little. "When can I see you again?"

April smiled. _Oh my God, he likes me! _"I'm free after work. I get off at 9."

"How about a late dinner at the Life Cafe, then? I'll pick you up here around 10?"

"I can't wait."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

A month later, Roger and April were still in the throes of young love and couldn't have been happier. Mark, Collins, Maureen, and Benny had all pointed out that Roger was noticeably more cheerful. Roger blamed it on anything else he could: Christmas approaching, the cold weather (he loved winters in New York), getting so many gigs with the band. But Roger's roommates knew him too well to buy any of those excuses.

One November evening, Mark pointed out that they had never met Roger's new girlfriend. So, one night after a gig, as Roger and April were saying goodbye on her doorstep, Roger decided to ask her. "Hey, how would you like to come to the loft for dinner with me and my roommates on Friday night? They really want to meet you."

"I was wondering when I was finally going to meet them. I've heard so much about them and I've never met them. I was beginning to think you were keeping me from them on purpose," April laughed.

"Nah, not really. So, is that a yes?"

April kissed him. "Yes, that's a yes. I'm excited to meet them."

******

Mark had never seen Roger so nervous before. "Really, Roger, there's nothing to worry about. If you burn dinner, we'll order pizza. I'm sure April won't care."

Maureen walked into the kitchen and wrapped her arms around Mark from behind. "Yeah, Rog, she won't care."

Roger glared at both of them as he struggled with peeling a roasted red bell pepper. "Just get out of the kitchen. I can't concentrate with you two in here."

Maureen laughed and kissed Mark on the cheek, then led him out of the kitchen. Collins walked in just as they were walking out.

"Hey, Rog, want a hand?"

Roger was noticeably frustrated, still struggling with the pepper. "Sure, I guess. It's your recipe anyway," he said, throwing down the pepper in frustration.

Collins laughed and checked the breaded chicken in the oven. "It looks great so far. Let me see those peppers."

About ten minutes later, Benny walked in the door holding some firewood. "Mmmm, it smells good in here. What's for dinner?"

"Ooh, firewood! Good idea, Benny," said Maureen.

"Well, we can't exactly entertain guests when it's even colder in here than it is outside," Benny pointed out.

Mark laughed. "Well, I suppose we could, but it wouldn't be very comfortable for her."

"You haven't answered my question. What's for dinner?"

"Some recipe of Collins'. Breaded chicken with roasted red bell peppers," said Roger as he emerged from the kitchen. His clothes were a mess from trying to cook. "I've gotta go change. Dear GOD, clean this place up a little."

Maureen started straightening things and picking up trash. "Relax, Roger. Really. If April loves you as much as you love her, she won't care what you or the place look like."

The phone rang. Roger answered.

"Hey Rog, it's me," came April's cheerful voice at the other end of the phone.

"Hey. I'm gonna have Mark come down and get you. I've gotta change. My clothes are a mess from making dinner."

April laughed. "OK, well, have him hurry up. It's freezing!"

"OK, I'll see you up here." Roger hung up the phone. "You heard me, Mark. Can you bring her up? Benny, for God's sake, start a fire. It's like fucking Antarctica in here. And Maureen, keep cleaning. This place is a mess," he said on his way into the bedroom to put on some clean clothes.

"Yes, sir," said Maureen sarcastically. Everyone chuckled.

Somehow, the loft and its occupants looked presentable by the time Mark walked through the door with April in tow five minutes later. Roger met them at the door and kissed April when she walked in. Collins walked out of the kitchen and put two dishes of chicken and peppers on the table, then joined the others at the doorway.

"So, this is everyone. The nerdy guy with the glasses who just brought you up is Mark."

"Oh, thanks, Rog," said Mark sarcastically. Maureen poked him playfully.

"And that's Mark's girlfriend, Maureen," continued Roger. "Collins is the one who just came out of the kitchen. You can thank him for dinner tonight. I tried to help, but it wasn't turning out so well, so I let him take over."

April laughed. "Well, it smells delicious, Collins."

"Thanks. Great to finally meet you."

"And you," she said, taking his offered hand.

"And that's Benny, over by the bonfire pit," Roger finished.

Benny laughed as he poked at the new fire, then walked towards the rest of them. "Yeah, otherwise known as the trash can. Bonfire pit," he scoffed playfully, holding his hand out to April.

April giggled as she shook his hand. "Great to meet everyone. I've heard so much about you guys."

"And we've heard plenty about you, too," said Maureen. "Good to know Roger wasn't just imagining a girlfriend."

Everyone laughed, except Roger, who blushed.

"Chill out, babe. It's just me," April said in a hushed tone.

"Well, yeah, but you're in my house," he replied in the same hushed tone.

"So?"

"So, I want everything to work out, and I'm worried that my friends will do something embarrassing."

"I like them. They're fun," said April, trying to reassure her obviously shaken boyfriend. "Don't worry, I won't hold anything they say against you," she said in a normal voice as she kissed his cheek and sat down at the table.

******

Three hours, two dishes of chicken and peppers, and four bottles of cheap red wine later, everyone sat around the bonfire pit/trash can, laughing and talking as if they'd known each other forever. Even Roger was enjoying himself.

"Well, Roger, April definitely gets my stamp of approval," Maureen joked.

"Mine too," laughed Benny.

Roger smiled as he hugged April and kissed her on the cheek. "Good to know."

"And you guys definitely get my stamp of approval to continue being his roomies," she joked. "Tonight has been so much fun. But I've gotta get going. I have to be at work in the morning."

"I'll take you home," said Roger. "I don't want you walking through this neighborhood alone at night."

"Thanks, babe."

Roger and April stood up and everyone said their goodbyes.

"Bye, guys. I hope we can do this again soon," said April.

"Definitely. But next time, we're ordering pizza," said Collins.

April laughed. "Fine by me."

"We won't wait up for you," yelled Mark as Roger and April were walking out the door. Roger rolled his eyes as everyone laughed.

Roger kissed April when they got to her doorstep. She was shaking and he could tell it wasn't from the cold. He helped her with her key and opened the door for her.

"Do you wanna come in?" she asked shyly.

Roger was a bit shocked. This was the first time she'd invited him up. He was a little hesitant, but he was also kind of worried about April. She was shaking pretty badly and he wanted to make sure she got in OK. "Sure."

April led him up three flights of stairs and struggled again with the key to her apartment. Again, Roger helped her with her key and opened the door for her. They walked in. April's apartment had her personality all over it. Decidedly girly, but with the touch of rock and roll that he loved so much about her. And it was heated. Roger remembered April mentioning that her dad helped her out with the bills.

"I'll be right back. Make yourself at home," April said, disappearing into what was obviously her bedroom.

April emerged ten minutes later; again, she was obviously calmer. She gave him a tour of her small but nice apartment, ending with her bedroom. Roger chuckled silently as he kicked off his shoes and kissed April when she finished the tour in front of her bed and turned all but a small lamp off. She returned the kiss passionately and started to remove his jacket. He helped her get the heavy leather jacket off and silently thanked April's father for the heat as it fell to the floor. His hands went to her jacket and peeled it off.

******

_Is this the right time to be doing this? He knows I just shot up._ April had decided early that evening that she was going to invite him up after dinner, knowing that he would insist on taking her home. She was in love, and it had been a month since they started going out. Well, it was too late to back out now if this was the wrong time. She needed this. She needed to prove to herself that she could enjoy sex. Her hands went to the buttons of his shirt and started undoing them, one by one. He kissed her neck lightly as she did so, moving back to her lips as she finished and the flannel shirt fell on top of Roger's jacket.

******

Roger was a little nervous, but April soon calmed his fears. He remembered what she had said earlier that night to calm his fears about having her in the loft. _"Chill out, babe. It's just me."_ It was just her, and she loved him. It was oh so evident. He moved his hands to the bottom of her shirts (she dressed in layers) with more than a little uncertainty. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable or seem too eager. April lifted her arms to allow him to pull her shirts off. He did so, then kissed her neck as he unclasped her bra, stopping to watch it fall away. He pulled her to him, kissing her fiercely. The feeling of her skin against his was...right. He kissed her face, her neck, her shoulders, her arms, her breasts, her stomach, stopping right above her pants. He put his hands on the button, looking up for approval. She smiled and caressed his cheek. He undid the button, then unzipped her jeans, tugging them lightly and letting them fall to the floor. Then he removed her modest but sexy underwear. Roger stood up to admire the view. She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, and he told her so.

######

_**10 years earlier...**_

_April lay in her bed, pretending to be asleep as her father opened the door, obviously drunk. He went over to her bed and put his hand on her side, shaking her to wake her up. She turned over and moaned, wanting him to leave. He refused. He bent down and kissed her neck, turning her over to face him. "You're so beautiful, sweetie" he said. He took off his shirt, then his pants, throwing them to the side. He made her wake up and stand up, then pulled her nightgown off. He pushed her to her knees and forced his penis into her mouth. She tried to resist him, but he was too strong. He moved her head backward and forward, making her perform oral sex on him. Once he was hard, he forced her onto the bed. She screamed and wailed, trying to resist, pleading for him not to do this to her, but he didn't stop. He pulled off her panties and threw them to the side. She was crying. The next thing she felt was the most excruciating pain in her life. He was inside her, forcing himself further into her. She was too small for him, but he didn't stop. He just pushed harder. It hurt her. She cried and screamed, but he kept going. When he had finished, he stood up, put his clothes on, and left her lying there, naked and bleeding. She was fourteen years old, and her childhood had been stolen from her._

_April ran away from home a week later and never told anyone about that night. Instead, she turned to heroin. With heroin, she could forget the past and the pain. She never talked about the real pain. Instead, she got high. Pretty soon, she was addicted. She had withdrawls if she didn't have her fix. She knew she should stop using, but stopping would mean facing the pain. She didn't want to. She tried to fill her life with meaningless sex, but it just made the pain all the more evident. It never felt good. It just hurt. She just wanted it all to go away._

######

Roger was kissing April's neck when he felt a tear fall on his shoulder. He stopped and looked at her. She was crying.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, caressing her cheek and looking into her eyes.

"Nothing. I'm fine," April said.

"You know, we don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"I know. I'm fine, really." April kissed Roger, trying to reassure him. It worked a little, but he was still worried.

She put her hands on the button of his jeans and looked at him for approval. He looked in her eyes and then kissed her. He couldn't have loved her more, but he couldn't tell her that now. It wouldn't seem sincere. She undid his pants and let them fall to the floor, then removed his boxers. She stood up and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. He didn't want this night to end.

******

April knew she didn't have to be afraid of Roger. She knew he loved her. But it didn't mean she wasn't still scared. Men always scared her. How could they not? The one man who was supposed to protect her and shield her had stolen her virginity and her childhood from her. And he stole her ability to enjoy sex. But this time was different. She never loved any of the men before. She loved Roger. And she trusted him. He wouldn't hurt her.

She pulled back from his kiss and grabbed his hand, leading him towards the bed. She lay down and he crawled on top of her. For a moment, she was scared, but the look in his eyes was one of love, not of wild desire. She held her breath, waiting for the pain. It didn't come. Instead, she felt a wave of pleasure coarse over her as he went inside her. Without knowing he was doing so, he reassured her that everything was alright with his kisses and the way he looked into her eyes. For the first time in her life, she wasn't afraid of a man. For the first time in her life, she gave herself completely to her partner. For the first time in her life, it felt good. THIS was how it was supposed to be. She surrendered herself to the moment, not wanting it to end.

******

An hour later, Roger and April lay in bed. Her head was on his chest and she was snuggled up close to him. Roger was convinced that if there was a Heaven, this was it. He played with April's hair and she traced her finger over the lines of his chest. He decided to take the plunge.

"April, I love you so much."

She turned her head to look at him. She looked shocked, but pleased. She kissed him passionately. "I love you too, Roger. More than you know."

She put her head back on his chest, put her arm across him, and closed her eyes. A few minutes later, she was asleep. Roger held her close, not wanting to ever let go. He fell asleep soon after.

******

April awoke the next morning to find Roger gone from the bed, but she heard clatter in the kitchen, so she knew he hadn't left. She lay back down in bed, not wanting to get up yet. She couldn't believe last night had actually happened. It seemed too good to be true. She enjoyed being with a man for the first time in her life. She knew it wouldn't be easy, but she had to tell him about her father. The bedroom door opened and Roger walked in carrying a plate of scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast, two cups of coffee, and silverware.

"Breakfast in bed?" he asked as he put the cups on the nightstand and handed her the plate. He crawled in next to her.

"Mmm yes. Thanks, baby."

He smiled and kissed her. "I promise, I'm way better at making eggs than I am at making chicken."

April laughed. "Good to know," she said as she took a bite of scrambled eggs. He was right.

April wasn't looking forward to telling Roger the truth about her father, but she knew he deserved to hear it. So, after they finished breakfast, she plucked up her courage.

"Roger, I have to tell you something."

"OK."

"Alright, this isn't easy for me, but you deserve to know."

"What is it? You can tell me." Roger kissed her reassuringly.

And she told him.

******

Roger couldn't believe what he was hearing. _Oh my God. April? Raped by her father? What kind of sick bastard does that to his own daughter? That fucking asshole. If I ever meet that fucking son of a bitch, I'll fucking castrate him. I can't believe the fucking nerve. My God, that's why she was crying last night. She was scared. I hope she's OK now. She seemed to enjoy herself. She didn't tell me to stop. I can't fucking believe this. So that's why she started using smack. I probably would have too. Oh my God, I'm the first person she's ever told? What do I say to her? How do I show her how much I care?_

April finished her story in tears. Roger didn't know what to say. He just held her close and kissed the top of her head. Then he looked at her. "So, last night. Are you OK?"

"Last night was amazing, Roger. And not just the sex. Last night was the first time it ever felt good. That in itself was basically a miracle."

Roger was shocked. He kissed her. "I'm proud of you. And I love you."

She just cried and hugged him tight. "I love you too, Roger."

He held her and let her cry. But then he thought about her housing situation. "So, wait. If your dad's this fucking sick bastard, why is he paying for your apartment?"

April cried some more, but managed to compose herself enough to answer the question. "He says it's because he's trying to redeem himself, but I think it's so he can keep me tied to him. I want more than anything to move out of here and be free of him, but I can't afford to." She started crying again and buried her face in his chest.

Roger held her tight, wanting to protect her from the world, wanting to make the pain go away. Then he had an idea. "Hey, I know we've only been seeing each other for a month, but if you want to move into the loft, I would love to have you there. We all help to pay the bills, so it would be affordable, and you wouldn't have to deal with your father anymore."

April kissed him. "I'd love that."

Roger walked into the loft an hour and a half later, after seeing April to work. Mark was cleaning up from a late breakfast.

"Good thing we really didn't wait up for you, Rog," Mark joked.

Roger attempted to laugh, but he couldn't stop thinking about April and her father.

"Hey, man, what's wrong?"

"I don't wanna talk about it. But we're gonna have another roommate," Roger said as he walked into his bedroom and shut the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

A week later, Collins and Benny carried the last of the boxes out of April's apartment and put them into the van Roger had borrowed from the band for the day. Roger had been staying with her for the week, helping her to get packed, bringing some boxes to the loft, and reassuring her that everything was going to be OK. But Roger knew this ordeal wasn't over yet, and the worst was yet to come. He worried for April. She was obviously uneasy and nothing he said or did would make what was to come any easier for her.

******

April felt a sense of fear and foreboding as she waited for her father to get to her apartment. She had to give him her keys. She had wanted to just leave them somewhere for him to pick up, but he insisted that it was too dangerous, he had to come pick them up in person. The last thing she wanted was to see her father. Every time she saw him, the look in his eyes was terrifying. She was always afraid that he was going to hurt her again. If he did, she didn't know if she could survive it. She couldn't let it happen.

"Hey, you OK?" she heard Roger's voice behind her.

She turned around and hugged him. "I don't want to see him," she said as a tear slid down her cheek. "He terrifies me."

"Well, that's understandable. Why don't you go back to the loft with the guys and I'll hand over the keys?"

"I'm scared of what he'll do to you if I go. I should stay. He clearly isn't a rational person, and who knows what he'd do if he wanted to see me and I wasn't here?"

"OK, if you say so. But I don't want to see you go through that, and I don't want to risk him doing something to you because he wants you to stay here."

"I know. Stay with me?"

"Of course." Roger kissed her and held her close, vowing silently to protect her from the son of a bitch who stole her virginity and childhood from her.

******

"OK, everything's out. We'll see you guys back at the loft," Collins said as he approached Roger and April.

April turned her head towards Collins. "Thanks, Collins. Thanks for everything."

"Not a problem. It'll all work out. You'll see."

"I know it will. Thanks again. We won't be far behind you."

"OK, see you at the loft," Collins said, squeezing her shoulder. He knew the real reason April was moving, so he knew how terrifying this would be for April.

Collins sat in the passenger seat of the van on the way home, thinking about what Roger had told him a week before.

######

_**Last week...**_

_Collins walked in the door after a long day of teaching at the local community college. He was exhausted. Mark looked worried about something and relieved to see him._

_"Hey. I'm worried about Roger. When he got home this morning, he just went into his room and shut the door. He hasn't been out since."_

_"Did he and April break up?"_

_"I have no idea. He won't talk to me. Can you try to talk to him?"_

_"Sure," Collins said as he headed towards Roger's door. He knocked. "Hey Rog, it's me. Can I come in?"_

_No answer came from the room. Collins looked at Mark, who shot him another worried look. He tried the door. It was open. He walked in and shut the door behind him. Roger was lying in his bed, curled up. Collins walked over and sat on the other side of the bed, putting his hand on Roger's shoulder._

_"Hey man, what's up?"_

_Roger didn't answer._

_"Come on, Roger. Talk to me. Tell me what's going on."_

_"You wouldn't understand."_

_"Maybe not, but I can listen. You've gotta tell someone what's going on. I can't help you if you don't talk to me, man."_

_"I can't."_

_"Look, if it's something you don't want anyone else to know, I won't say anything, but please tell me. This isn't like you."_

_Roger turned to look at Collins. It was obvious he'd been crying. "OK, fine. So last night, we had sex for the first time. It was great. Oh my God, was it great. Then this morning, everything was going great, we were still speaking, I made us breakfast in bed, she was happy."_

_"So what's the problem?"_

_"After breakfast, she told me something she's never told anyone else before."_

_"Tell me."_

_Roger started crying. "She was raped by her father when she was 14. That fucking son of a bitch stole her childhood from her. She told me she'd been with men since then, but that last night was the first time she ever enjoyed it."_

_"Damn. You were the first person she told?"_

_"Yeah. Now all I can think about is castrating that fucking son of a bitch. What kind of sick monster does that to his own daughter?"_

_"Look, right now she needs your unconditional love and support. You can worry about hurting her father later. That she told you this when she's never told anyone else means she trusts you more than she's ever trusted anyone else. You have to show her that her trust isn't misplaced."_

_"Her dad's paying for her apartment. She hates it and wants to get out. So I told her she could move in with us."_

_Collins smiled. April had changed Roger for the better and he knew Roger would love having her with him in the loft. "Great idea."_

_"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you guys about it first, but I can't stand the thought of her being there alone, with that asshole paying for it and having keys so he can just come in any time and hurt her. I had to get her out of there."_

_"I know, man. It'll be fine. We'll make her feel welcome here."_

_"Thanks, man. Hey, please don't tell anyone. Don't even tell April you know. If she wants you guys to know, she'll tell you when she's ready."_

_"You know I won't."_

######

Collins tried not to think about April, about the pain she must be going through. Above all, he was thinking of Roger, about how he'd handled this. About how April had helped him to grow up and learn how to be in a relationship. Roger had been fantastic with April since she'd told him, staying with her, helping her to pack, being patient with her. Collins had seen the transformation and was proud of his roommates, the new and the old.

******

Roger could see April's father approaching them. It was unmistakable. April looked so much like him, it was impossible to not know. And the look in his eyes was terrifying, even from a distance. His eyes were wild, like he was going to kill someone, and he looked like he'd been drinking for days. Roger almost didn't want to tell April that her father was coming, but he knew he had to.

"Hey babe, he's here."

April let go a little, enough to look into Roger's eyes. Her eyes were bloodshot from crying. "Please don't let him hurt me," she said, the fear evident in her voice.

Roger's heart tore apart. He hated to see her like this. He kissed her. "You know I won't. I'll die before I let him do anything to you."

April took a deep breath and turned around to face the ghosts of her childhood. Her father was almost there.

******

It took all of April's willpower to stay standing there and not make a run for it. If it hadn't been for Roger, she probably would have dropped the keys and left. Her father looked even more crazy than usual and she was more scared of him now than she'd ever been.

"Hey, sweetie," he slurred. He was clearly drunk.

"Hello, dad. Here's the keys," April said, stepping away from Roger and handing him the keys.

Her father took the keys and put them in his pocket. "You got everything out of there, honey?"

"Yes, dad, I did. And now, I really should go and start unpacking."

April's father reached out and touched her cheek. "I'm gonna miss you, sweetie," he slurred. "You're so beautiful." He moved his face closer to hers. She could smell the Jack Daniels on his breath. Her muscled tensed. She was terrified.

Roger stepped forward and pushed him off. "Stay the fuck away from her, you sick bastard!"

April's father threw a punch at Roger, but he was so drunk that he completely missed his mark and Roger easily dodged it. "Don't you tell me what to do to my daughter!"

April took the opportunity to get away from her father. She sat down on the doorstep.

"Maybe someone should have fucking told you what to do to your daughter a long time ago. Actually what NOT to do to your daughter. Like NOT to fuck your 14-year-old daughter! You sick fucking pervert. You robbed her of her childhood! You fucking asshole!" Roger grabbed April's father by the shoulders, then kneed him in the groin. He fell to the ground, squirming and groaning in agony.

April was sitting on her old doorstep, crying. This had been even more horrible than she'd imagined. She had hoped he would at least be sober. When her father was sober, he wasn't nearly as scary. At least he didn't touch her and try to have sex with her when he was sober. She was glad Roger was there, and glad he had fulfilled his promise not to let her father hurt her. It was great to see him protecting her like that.

Roger ran to her and knelt down to look her in the eyes. He kissed her forehead. "Hey, it's over. It's all over now." She just cried and hugged him. "Come on, let's get out of here," he said as he helped April up and wrapped his arms around her. He led her away from her father and her old life. She followed him, leaving the ghosts of her past behind.

******

Collins and Benny walked into the loft, carrying the first load of April's boxes. They laughed when they saw the cheap banner from the party store.

Mark came out of the kitchen, carrying a cake fresh out of the oven. "Shut up, it was the closest to what we were looking for I could find."

Benny chortled. "It's great. Now put that cake down and come help us with April's boxes. Maureen can finish getting the place ready for the welcoming party."

Maureen came out of the kitchen a minute later with a pot of coffee and six mugs. "Go on, Mark. I'll clean up a bit."

******

Half an hour later, Roger and April walked in the door to a dark loft. Roger turned on the lights.

"Surprise!" yelled April's new roommates as they blew kazoos and all manner of obnoxious noisemaking devices.

April laughed, then looked around at the loft, her new friends, and her boyfriend. She saw the banner. "Welcome home," it said. She smiled. It was more right for the occasion than they realized. For the first time in her life, she was home.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_**About a year later...**_

April sat in the bar where she had first met Roger with Collins, Benny, Maureen, and Mark, listening to Roger play and thinking about everything that had happened in the past year. This past year in the loft had been great. She was still as in love with Roger as she was when she first moved in, and her other roommates were amazing. She had told them her real reason for moving about a month after she moved in. They had all seen the progress she made since then, and were very vocal about how proud they were of her. She couldn't have been happier.

"Thanks, guys. You've been great and we look forward to coming back," she heard Roger say.

An hour later, she got a sense of deja vu as she saw him grab his guitar and walk towards her. But this time, instead of looking like a high school boy asking his crush to the prom, he grabbed her and kissed her. She laughed. "You do realize the rest of your roommates are here too, correct?"

"Of course. Hey guys."

Collins laughed. "You don't have to pretend we're not chopped liver, man. Really. It's OK."

April and Roger laughed.

"Hey Rog, I've gotta get out of here for a minute. Come with me?" she said.

Roger looked at her, knowing what that meant. "Sure," he said. "We'll be back, guys."

"Hey, don't worry about it. We'll just see you guys back at the loft," Mark said.

"OK, sounds good," said April. She grabbed Roger's hand as they walked out the door.

April and Roger were both shaking as they approached the drug dealer. About three months into their relationship, he had started using with her, and now he was as hooked as she was. Their roommates clearly didn't approve, but they didn't say much about it.

They quickly bought their usual amount of heroin from him, then headed to an alley to shoot up. April searched around in her purse for her needle. _Fuck, where did I put it? I can't find it! I need my fix. I can't find my fucking needle and I need my fucking fix. _April tore everything out of her purse, but no needle. _I'm such a fucking idiot! I must have left it at home. I need my fucking junk. Now. How can I get my fucking junk without my fucking needle?_

April spotted a needle laying on the ground. Under normal circumstances, she would never have used it. She knew how dangerous it was. But this was desperate. Roger gave her a warning look as she picked it up off the ground, but didn't say anything. He was desperate too. She wet her fingers with some saliva and tried to wipe off the needle before using it. She put her dose of heroin in the needle and slid it in her arm. Roger did the same.

******

When Roger's senses returned, he realized how stupid he and April had been to use that needle. But he had been as desperate as she was, and he sure as hell wasn't going to say anything. He and April walked back to the loft, went into the bedroom, and shut the door.

"Oh shit, it's cold," she said as she started undressing.

Roger laughed as he took his jacket off. "Yep, winter in New York."

When April finished undressing, she got into bed underneath the warm down comforter her mother had given them, beckoning him to do the same. He smiled as he crawled in next to her and kissed her. They made love, forgetting all their troubles and worries.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_**Three months later...**_

April woke up in the middle of the night, nauseous. She ran to the bathroom. _Oh God, I hope I don't wake Roger up. He just had a gig tonight. He's already exhausted. He doesn't need to be worrying about me too. Please, God, let me make it to the bathroom. Please. I don't want to have to clean up. Oh, I don't feel good right now. I really don't. I hope I make it. Why is this happening? Was it something I ate? I thought that chicken tasted a little weird last night. OK, April, just kneel down. Nice and easy. Lift the seat. OK, you made it._

******

With the amount of noise April made giving up her offering to the porcelain goddess, it was surprising that Roger was the only one she woke up. He went into the bathroom and saw her kneeling down, holding her hair back as she vomited into the toilet. _Oh God. Why didn't she get me up?_ He quickly got to her side and put his hand on her back.

"Hey, why didn't you wake me up?"

April replied weakly. "You were exhausted tonight. I didn't want to worry you." She heaved as another round of vomit came out.

Roger held her hair and rubbed her back. "You should have gotten me up."

April smiled weakly. "I'll remember that next time. I think I'm done now, though," she said as she flushed the toilet.

Roger got her a glass of water. She swished some of it in her mouth, then spit it out, trying to get the taste to go away.

"What was that all about?" he asked.

"I don't know. Maybe it was something I ate," she said with a little uncertainty.

"Go on back to bed. I'll make us some tea." He kissed her gently on her forehead.

"OK. Thanks, babe." She walked back to the bedroom and crawled under the blanket.

******

Five minutes later, Roger walked in with two cups of steaming hot tea. He handed her a cup, then got into bed next to her. She snuggled up next to him as she sipped her tea. April still wasn't feeling great and worried that it might not be just something she ate. She and Roger finished their tea and went back to sleep. She slept uneasily, dreaming of the alternative.

A week later, April was still sick. She was throwing up every night and feeling uneasy all througout the day. So she found herself in a clinic, watching as they stuck a needle into her, taking something out of her body instead of putting something in. They told her she could come back in a week for the results.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

April walked in the door crying and went into her bedroom, grabbing the journal Roger didn't know she kept. She started writing furiously. She wrote everything down. She figured he would find it one day and understand. But she couldn't just do that to him. She loved him too much. She tore a page out of the back. "We've got AIDS," she scrawled. She couldn't tell him the other thing. Not yet. She'd leave that for him to find later. She put the journal away and went to the living room. She put the note on the stainless steel table, then went to the kitchen and opened drawers aimlessly until she found what she was looking for: a Swiss army knife Collins kept in the silverware drawer.

She went to the bathroom and sat in the tub, her vision blurry from the tears and her hand shaking from fear. She didn't want to do this, but what choice did she have? She wasn't going to let this define her life. And she knew it would if she kept on living. She drug the blade across her wrist, watching as the blood flowed out. She put the knife in the other hand and did the same to her other wrist. She immediately regretted it, but it was too late now. _Oh, God! Roger! What have I done? He loves me so much. What have I done to him? He'll never survive this. He'll never survive losing me. I've been his life for the past year, three months, and two weeks. God, I'm counting. He's been my life, too. I love him so much. I hope he understands._ April watched the blood flow from her wrists. She started feeling lightheaded and dizzy.

She heard him walk in the door and call her name, but she was too weak to yell. She was almost gone. A minute later he was in the bathroom, holding the note she had written.

******

"Oh God! April! No! God!" Roger ran to his love, taking her in his arms.

"Roger," she whispered.

"April, hang on. Please! We'll get you some help. We'll get through this."

"It's too late, Roger. It's too late for me. Promise me you'll be strong."

Roger could barely speak through his tears. "I can't. Not without you. Please hang on, April. For me."

"I love you, Roger."

He felt her go limp and stop breathing. "April! NO!!! Please come back! April!"

He was still wailing fifteen minutes later when Collins walked in. He looked around for the instrument April had used to do this to herself.

******

Collins followed Roger's screams into the bathroom. He saw April dead in the bathtub and Roger sitting on the bathroom floor crying, shaking as he held Collins' Swiss army knife to his wrist.

"Oh God! April! Roger? Roger! Roger, stop!" Collins ran to Roger, yanking the knife out of Roger's hand just as he was about to draw it across his wrist.

Roger turned and hit Collins repeatedly, begging him to give the knife back and let him die.

"No, man. Losing April's bad enough. We can't lose you too," Collins said, wrapping his best friend in a tight bear hug.

Roger cried uncontrollably into Collins' shirt.

Collins just cried and hugged Roger. He was traumatized by this, so he could only imagine how Roger must be feeling, seeing his love dead in a pool of her own blood.

The door to the loft opened half an hour later. Collins heard his three other roommates chatting happily as they entered. "Mark! Benny! Maureen! We're in the bathroom!" he yelled. He would have gone and gotten them, but he was scared to leave Roger alone for fear he would find something to kill himself with.

The three of them walked into the bathroom and saw the scene.

"Oh my God! April!" Maureen screamed. She ran to April's lifeless body and cradled it in her arms, crying. April had become her best friend.

Mark went to Maureen, hugging her from behind. Benny went and hugged Roger from behind.

Soon, Mark and Maureen joined the other three guys on the bathroom floor, each of them taking an empty side of Roger, surrounding their heartbroken friend with love. They sat there in shock, unsure of what to do or who to call.

"I guess someone should call 911," Benny finally suggested. "I'll do it. You guys stay here with Roger." He stood up, squeezing Roger's shoulder as he walked out of the bathroom to make the call.

******

Roger hadn't spoken since Collins had saved him from killing himself, and now he was out of tears to cry. He just sat on the bathroom floor in shock, letting his best friends hold him as he shuddered and heaved, wanting desperately for more tears to come.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Roger walked in the door after April's funeral, followed by his friends. For the first time since her death, he walked into what had been their bedroom and shut the door. He was in a daze as he opened up a dresser drawer and started pulling her clothes out and putting them in a bag. If he was going to get over this, he had to get rid of her stuff. He found her journal at the bottom of the drawer. He sat on the bed and opened it, starting to read. He read about himself, about how in love with him she was, about how happy he made her, about how he was the first man she really gave herself to. He smiled as the journal brought back happy memories. Then he got to the final entry. It was written as a letter to him.

_Dear Roger,_

_When you find this, I'll be gone. I hope you know that what I did has nothing to do with you. I love you. You probably know that from reading this entire journal. But I had to do what I did. See, the doctor told me two things, and I couldn't deal with both of them at the same time, not even with your help. You've been amazing, Roger. You've helped me through so much. But not even you can help me with what would happen if I choose to live. You'd be dealing with your own stuff too._

_First, we have AIDS. I think we got it from using the needle in the alley that time. Why were we so stupid? We both knew better. We knew what could happen. We should have waited until we got home and used my needle. It was safe. But instead, we made one stupid mistake that cost us more than we wanted to give. If I choose to live, what do I have to look forward to? Dying at a young age, with you by my side? If I'm going to die young anyway, I'm going to do it on my terms, not this disease's terms. I hope you understand that. And I hope that you're stronger than I am and can face this without cutting your life short._

_The second thing is much harder to tell you. I'm pregnant. I'm sorry, Roger. I know it's selfish of me to kill myself and our unborn child. But we've been shooting up so much, without a care in the world, not even thinking that we might be affecting someone else. The baby would have health problems anyway. And since I have AIDS, the baby would probably be born with AIDS too, on top of whatever else would happen from me using smack while I was pregnant. I can't let that happen. And I can't take care of a sick kid while I have AIDS. I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me for this._

_I love you so much, Roger. I hope you know that. And I want you to move on. If you have to get rid of everything that was mine, please do. But do me a favor. Keep my journal and read what I wrote about you when you're sad. Remember all the amazing times we had together and remember me as I was then, not as I will be when you find me. Above all, remember that you were the only man I ever really loved._

_Love, _

_April_


End file.
